A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize