Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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