Don't make out with my wife yet
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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