Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need to sanitize my soul.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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