What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
