i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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