He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
