I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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