It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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