My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
