currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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