after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
