i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
