garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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