She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
