I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
