I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize