just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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