so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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