yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
