somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
