worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
