I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
