well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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