he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
