you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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