I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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