she was so not down for the gang bang
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
