i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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