I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Fuck appropriateness.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
