If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize