Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's blow job season.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
