I can't watch pbs sober anymore
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
