it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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