Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
