shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
