Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Hippo gnu deer
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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