God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
