I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
