I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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