what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
