If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
