plz talk dirty to me
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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