I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
