whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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