i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
