Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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