she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
