I can tuck mytits in my pants
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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