i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
