Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
