I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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