i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
