You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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