Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
