How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
bring money and cleavage
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
