he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize