Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
