My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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