If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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