Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
