would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
