on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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