is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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