if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
