Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
