woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
