just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
