I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
