I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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