do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
