I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
