i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
