is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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