I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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