she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
